From heavy to happy
I was depressive for almost two decades.
Trauma, childhood, genetics: whatever led to it, I never lived the life I was dreaming of – that of a travel writer and photographer exploring the world, learning about new cultures, sponging up the beauty of our planet.
Instead I was stuck in a life of (self-created) misery: doing jobs I deeply disliked, constantly struggling around the financial zero line, caught in overwhelming existential fears, unerringly ruining all my relationships… to just give a short list.
There was just no way I could see myself becoming happy. Whatever I touched, it ended in the same black slump.
It took me a lot of self-work to find out that it had to do with old beliefs – most of all that I was not good enough and not worthy of being happy.
So I worked with all kinds of healers. Did all kinds of therapy. Went on shamanic journeys. Meditated like a maniac. You name it, I did it.
It certainly helped me getting out there step by step. But it was not sustainable yet.
When I turned 45 my health got worse. My knees were severely damaged, I had to bury my freshly started dream of learning to surf. Was that already all there was to life? A false diagnosis of glaucoma did the rest.
This put me under pressure – only about three decades left, with God knows what other ailments in the pipeline, and I had not seen the world? That defo had to change!
Then I finally made the mindset shift that led to my liberation. Cancelled the job I hated. Cut the contact with my ex. Got rid of backstabbin’ friends who didn’t do me any good. And just booked a flight and went to Portugal as a digital nomad.
Lo and behold, it worked out! It was possible to live alone in another country and survive. Who knew.