But each of us has their own ways of making life bearable, and the flat is my haven, my calming safe space. And thus it felt as if the proverbial rug had been pulled from under my feet by Sauron himself.
I often have fierce migraines where I spend the whole day in bed. A family of power shovels and drills directly in front of the window might not exactly alleviate this.
Upon this news, the eternal inner fight took place.
The Squirrel: How will I ever find peace again? What am I gonna do? The real estate market is down, there are hardly any flats, and those few that are available have grown inaffordable. I do not have the energy to move, anyway. Oh no! Oh no no no no no! My life is over! Mount Doom has erupted!
The Buddha: It is what it is. Accept it and stop adding secondary suffering by depressing over it.
Ok ok, Mista Buddha, I will try my best and trust that the universe has my back (while still hoping for a miracle just to make sure).
And as if that had not been enough yet, enter
My first 4 weeks of full-time nursing
Although I was not really waiting for the other shoe to drop, it came down quite shortly after.
My 81-year old mother, who lives 900 km away, tripped in the kitchen and fell down, breaking her pelvis. She had to go to hospital so I was on the phone with doctors and nurses and her ever so often – due to The Rona, I had no permission to visit her in hospital. So I tried to arrange things remotely. And there is a bulkload of things to arrange for later (physiotherapy, nursing service, rehabilitation, etc).
But all that was not the problem. The problem was her pain. Pain from hell. She had suffered back pain and 2 herniated disks before, an on top now came the broken pelvis. My mum is not the whiny type when in physical pain, but this time she often hurled, as it was so bad. Which made me feel super sad for her, and I was completely helpless.
What happened next? They pumped tons of morphines into her. And then the real nightmare began. Not only did the pain NOT subside. She also became paranoid and demented, thinking people were after her and she was imprisoned in hospital. And again I could not do anything about it.
When they brought her home from hospital I hardly recognized her. What followed was the hardest 4 weeks of my life. My mum lives alone, I have no siblings. So I took care of her around the clock – and it literally was around the clock, as she was up almost all night for fear and panic in her paranoia.